I took my very first yoga class when I was nineteen years old. My two closest friends at the time both loved yoga and had somehow talked me into going to a free class at our college. I absolutely hated it. I felt beyond uncomfortable by the teacher’s all-too soothing voice and the fact I was the least flexible person in the room. At the time, it was a party trick that I could not for the life of me touch my toes. I giggled through the whole class as a coping mechanism for the fact that I wanted to be anywhere else but there. I left vowing I would never, ever do yoga again. Getting yelled at while horribly dancing during Zumba or lifting weights to build my booty was more my style, not what felt to me like prolonged, painful stretching. All of this being said, the next week I ended up at yet another yoga class with my friends.
I went into this class knowing I was going to hate it. With a predetermined mindset, all I can say for my improvement was at least I did not laugh. To no surprise, I again found myself wanting to be anywhere but at yoga. But something strange happened after the class. Even though I did not fully open up, instead just going through the motions without distracting myself by giggling, yoga left my body and mind feeling so very good. Two days later, mystified by the affect yoga had on me, I went to class alone. I fell in love. Knowing not a soul in the class, I felt that it was okay that I couldn’t touch my toes. I stopped caring about what I looked like and allowed myself to flow.
I went to a few more classes, mostly on my own, before the school year ended. I was interning in Columbus, Ohio, and the most yoga I did the first month being there was buying a $7 mat from TJ Maxx. After some time with no friends, limited family, and being bored out of my mind, I decided to start using that mat and doing yoga on my own. I downloaded a free app with very limited, short flows and told myself that no matter what, I was going to do thirty minutes of yoga a day. I picked up a few books on the philosophy behind yoga, and started following every yogi on Instagram that I was inspired by (or took cute pictures). Very quickly, my reality started to change. I connected with a former classmate I had not seen for four years, who now is easily one of my best friends. My faith in something more, which I had pretty much lost at this point, returned to me. I felt a part of something truly bigger than me, than the human race, for the first time in my life.
Yoga was a beginning for me, or in other words my gateway drug. Yoga led to an intense interest in theology, which brought me to learning about religions and spiritual paths other than Christianity for the first time in my life. This reignited my love for reading and honestly, learning in general. I was enthralled by all things energy related, especially the chakra system and reiki. I committed to being a vegan full time rather only than when it suited me. I changed my major to anthropology from animal science, because I realized that I needed to be doing what I love, not what I felt obligated to do. My outlook changed, my mood changed, my body changed – my life changed. I started taking care of myself, putting my happiness first.
I am not going to tell you it has all been sunshine and rainbows because of yoga. Yoga has brought up A LOT of emotional garbage. There are times that I am afraid to get on the mat because I know a lot stuff is going to come up. Yoga brings me so much joy, and pain, because it turns me inward. I have had some of my deepest realizations on the mat. In 2018, my yoga studio that I practice at while in Tallahassee fell victim to gun violence. I was supposed to be in the class where it happened and had been in that room countless times. The man targeted young women. Getting back on the mat after that felt scary. I got a taste of overcoming true fear by going back to that studio once it reopened. Yoga was my catalyst. It is the kick in butt when I need it and a safe space when all I feel like I can do is lie down in shavasana. It was not love at first sight and is not nothing but smiles. But starting yoga is so-far the best decision I have ever made. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Love,
Cazmera